THE DEATH OF THE SFL

THE DEATH OF THE SFL

A Grantland Special Report

With the new NFL season beginning in just a few days, millions of fantasy football fanatics are obsessively tinkering with their rosters, reading every preview article available to them, hoping to find some inside scoop that could make the difference this year.  What third string running back will gain ridiculous points thanks to his goal line prowess?  Which unclaimed wide receiver will break out in week one and become the waiver darling?  Who will be the first backup quarterback thrust into a pressure-packed starting role and the high-yield points that go with it.  Across the world, fantasy owners are preparing.  However, the owners of one well-known league have been left without a league this year.  Despite its longevity and relative success, the Staples Football League has been eerily quiet this off-season.  No press releases have been issued.  No invitations were extended.  Nothing of note was ever generated from the SFL’s Columbia, SC home office.  Since the NFL season is beginning in two days, it is now readily apparent that the Staples Football League has indeed folded.

What happened?  That is the question that must be answered.  Or must it?  Does the demise of the SFL actually have any bearing on fantasy football or our lives in general?  Or is it just another example of a small business collapsing under the apathy and ineptitude of poor leadership?  Perhaps it is something more, something deeper.  Maybe it can teach us a lesson about ourselves and how we treat entities that no longer entertain and enthrall us.  So we can uncover these explanations, it is at least worth an examination of the circumstances surrounding the shuttering of the Staples Football League.

The SFL had what most fantasy leagues desire - stability.  The league lasted twelve seasons.  That is a virtual eternity in the virtual world of virtual football.  Twelve seasons with a core of owners that religiously reported back each August for the automated draft.  Names changed, cities changed, expansion teams came and went.  But the core teams stayed.  That is usually what makes for a successful league.  And it was indeed what helped the SFL survive the tumult that happened behind the scenes.  While the league itself was a standard of stability, the league ownership often exhibited quite the opposite.

Many professional sports franchises have been undone by their inept owners.  The Dallas Cowboys are perpetually handcuffed by egomaniacal Jerry Jones.  The Washington Indigenous Americans can never seem to get Daniel Snyder to stop shooting them - and himself - in the foot.  Donald Sterling, Hugh Culverhouse, Jerry Reinsdorf.  Owners can cause great damage to their franchises.  And the very best owners (Robert Kraft, RC Buford, The People of Green Bay, WI) can guarantee success for theirs.  The owner of the SFL was about as unstable as they come.  David Staples never seemed satisfied to stay in one place.  He moved the home offices of the SFL from Orange Park to Winter Park to Orlando to a different place in Orlando to Oviedo to a different place in Oviedo to Tallahassee to Winter Springs and, finally, to Columbia, South Carolina.  His escape from the Sunshine State was supposedly to take advantage of promised tax breaks in the Palmetto State.  But, in retrospect, it may have been to escape the threat of bone breaks in Florida.

As time has gone on, the rumors of scandals behind the scenes of the SFL became more concrete.  There had always been allegations of wrongdoings.  Staples rigged draft order to favor himself for years.  Team owners accused him of taking the best players.  He hopelessly bungled the free agent signing period after the draft nearly every year.  Coaches complained endlessly over shifting start times, start dates, and signings.  Threatened punishments did not come to fruition.  Staples’ wild threats usually just led to mocking responses by other teams.  Despite the (alleged) manipulation of just about everything in his favor, Staples only won one SFL title.  His overall team record is still the highest in league history.  But his abysmal playoff record speaks for itself.  “He can’t even cheat right,” bemoaned one anonymous owner. 

But all of these scandals were nothing compared to what surfaced over the past few months.  At first glance, the trial of Ernesto “Tire Iron” Cepeda has little bearing on the fate of the SFL.  But court documents brought to light a disturbing relationship.  Cepeda’s nickname was well earned, and it wasn’t for helping women change tires on the interstate.  Tire Iron was the hired muscle for Juan Ramirez-Colon.  For those unfamiliar with international news reports, Ramirez-Colon is the head of a massive multinational crime syndicate.  Hidden behind the legitimate JRC Worldwide shipping corporation, Ramirez-Colon was able to smuggle drugs, weapons, antiquities, and pirated DVDs around the world.  He supposedly bought dozens of elections and ordered the assassinations of several government officials unhappy with his reign of crime.  Cepeda was one of the enforcers for JRC.  He usually was brought in to “teach a lesson” to unruly parties.  His “lessons” rarely led to death, but were a form of long-term education: Beat the tar out of one person, the others learn to stay in line.  

As fate would have it, Cepeda was picked up for speeding in - you guessed it - Columbia, SC.  Routine inspection of his car found a substantial amount of counterfeit football cards and the address to David Staples and the SFL.  Further investigations solidified the link between Cepeda and Staples.  The counterfeit cards were just the tip of the iceberg.  Staples and Cepeda were using JRC to distribute high-end fakes of Minecraft figurines, Lego sets, Angry Birds apps, Frozen t-shirts, and Madden 2015 games to unsuspecting children around the world.  Imagine the disappointment of a child who opened their birthday present to find Mynecraft, Leggo, AngryByrds, Froozen, or Maddem products.  The FBI, CIA, and Homeland Security all were circling Staples.

The League itself was mostly sheltered from the drama behind the scenes.  The problem on the league though was that it had become rather boring.  The SFL had basically come down to a league of luck.  Whoever got the best draft class in the auto-draft and jumped onto the post-draft waiver wire first had the best team.  It had nothing to do with skill.  There was no fun in it.  Staples resisted a live draft - which could have brought more skill to the proceedings.  As a result, the fantasy league became a bit of humdrum reality.  The NFL itself had changed.  The video game numbers that had been put up by most people had dropped off.  Running backs, which had been the most important position for years in fantasy leagues, now were interchangeable.  Quarterbacks emerged as the new trophy to score.  But there are only around six or seven elite quarterbacks.  After that, teams were left with a giant cesspool of woefully similar pedestrian field leaders.  To top it all off, the most well-constructed league team could run the table during the regular season, only to find themselves knocked out of the playoffs due to injuries, teams tanking the last three games, or teams resting starters.  

When all of this was combined, it actually was little wonder that the league folded.  It was being ripped to shreds behind the curtain.  In the league itself, it was eroding.  Owners were losing interest.  When the decision to shut down the league was made, hardly anyone even knew.  Much more telling, hardly anyone even cared.  Only two owners even inquire about the status of the league for this season.  Staples himself issued a statement with his usual misplaced bravado.  He mentioned needing a year off to retool and tinker with the league so it would come back “bigger and better than ever” next year.  But we all have seen what happens when leagues take a year off.  What little momentum the SFL had will be gone next season - not to mention its owner may be in prison by that point.  

It indeed is a sad tale.  The SFL deserved better than this.  The teams in the league deserved better.  This is especially true of the core teams, who had given twelve years of hard-fought roster clicking to the SFL.  Alas, the league was undone by one man.  David Staples was entrusted with the legacy of the SFL and he didn’t care for it the way he should have.  Add that to his list of crimes.

SEASON ELEVEN: ORIGIN STORY

Are you ready for some football?!!??!?!??!?

Ordinarily, we would be prepping for the kickoff of the NFL season today - full of excitement and desperate yearning.  However, the NFL now stretches things out more than a Southern Baptist church with a capital stewardship campaign.  Technically, the season kicked off on Wednesday (?) this year.  So we are caught in this limbo between the actual start of the season and the perceived start of the season.  It almost feels like Wednesday was the last preseason game - and it almost looked like it.  Dallas seemed to think they gained yards for false starts.  And the Giants looked like they were hung over from last February.  But what everyone is really excited for is, naturally...

THE START OF THE STAPLES FOOTBALL LEAGUE: SEASON ELEVEN!!!

That's right.  The SFL has launched its eleventh season.  And with it, there came some big changes.  After all, we are not going to rest on our laurels.  In fact, we aren't completely sure we HAVE laurels - or what laurels are.  We are going to keep on refining and improving and being the best we can be.  For those of you who haven't been paying attention, here are some of the major changes in the SFL for the 2012-2013 season.

1. KEEPERS!!!  We have never had keepers in our league.  But this year, we do!  Everyone cheer and do a funky dance.  The addition of keepers brought with it some much needed drama to an otherwise boring draft process.  [Whatever happened to the uproar that characterized draft day and the opening of the waiver wire in the SFL?  No controversy this year.  Sigh.]  People who didn't pay attention to the keeper process didn't understand how Rob Gronkowski slipped to the 14th round.  Because HE'S A KEEPER!!!  Keepers allow teams to keep extremely valuable players, like Drew Brees.  Except for the fact that the team that HAD Drew Brees didn't opt to label him a Keeper.  (More on this later.)  This is the biggest change this year.
2. ADDITION BY SUBTRACTION - The SFL is back down to ten teams this year.  The league leadership realized it is better when there are just ten teams.  So we contracted two teams.  (This isn't true - two teams didn't sign back up.)  Gone are Da Bus and Bandito.  Let's face it, though.  No one really cares if those guys play or not.  They were both wankers.  
3. EFFICIENT COMMUNICATION - For the first time in the history of the SFL, a team owner actually asked to get fewer announcements.  Hooray!!!  No one can say the teams in the SFL are uninformed about league decisions.  Every major announcement was posted on Facebook, emailed out, posted in the Commissioner's Note, AND on the Message Board.  Take that.

Those are the biggest changes in the league this year.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it.  I know that what you are all really wanting right now is the annual team-by-team analysis.  Well, since you insist.  Let's start with the team that has everyone talking.

• TAMPA BAY RAMS - I have no idea.  That is all I can say.  Maybe team owner, Ryan Marlatt wants to finish last again.  I cannot even begin to understand what happened with that team.  I think he's tanking to try to get the first draft pick.  There is no other explanation.  I haven't heard from Ryan, so I don't know what happened.  I assume that he would have said something if the computer had screwed him over that bad.  So I have to guess it was on purpose.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, go check the team roster.  Truly incredible.  Seven players that are not active.  A backup quarterback starting.  And he didn't label Drew Brees a Keeper.  I guess that any games against this team will be an auto-win.  
• BLOODTHIRSTY FERRETS - After finishing with his worst record ever, team owner David Staples rewarded his coach with a contract extension.  Why?  He's a UCF fan.  Enough said.  The team lineup is very shaky.  It looks like another rebuilding year for the Ferrets.
• STICKBOY - Team owner, Benji Stultz, has already claimed victory for this season.  Looking at his lineup, it is hard to argue with him.  But that's why they play the virtual games, right?  The quarterback position will either secure the title or kill this team.  Vick and Rothellessbooger are both frequent flyers on the injury list.  
• GATOR GREATS - This team could be a monster or a disappointment.  Many of the players have the potential to be mammoth performers - or huge disasters.  Example 1 - Victor Cruz.  If Cruz plays like last year, then team owner, Eddie Gilley, will be happy.  If he plays like Wednesday night, well, sadness will reign in Gainesville.  This could also be applied to Reggie Bush, Vernon Davis, DeAngelo Williams, and others.  
• ORLANDO BLUNDERED - What do you do with Peyton Manning?  Millions of fantasy football players have asked this question this summer.  This is one of the biggest question marks in the history of fantasy football.  Will we see the Peyton Manning that singlehandedly propelled teams into the fantasy playoffs?  Or will he be an anchor, dragging a team into Tampa Bay Rams territory?  Team owner, Randy Gillis, is waiting to see.  I have to say, though, that I like the Luck/Manning combo Blundered has going.  Kind of poetic.
• BLUE RIDGE BOMBERS - The biggest beneficiary of Tampa Bay Rams' team destroying approach is team owner, Greg Ramer.  He lucked into Drew Brees and has an insane receiver corps.  I think that this team has sleeper potential written all over it.  Maybe the move to North Carolina and massive weight loss has helped Ramer become a better fantasy football owner as well.  (Major props to Greg for his weight loss success!  He is dang sexy now.)
• MEAN GREEN - Another sleeper team is owned by David Tarkington.  Having Aaron Rodgers surely doesn't hurt.  Having RGIII as a backup is a nice touch.  I have a feeling Griffin will be a big points producer in our league - kind of like Cam Newton.  A lot will ride on how Maurice Jones-Drew does and how often Tarkington is stuck playing Beanie Wells.  I mean, the guy's name is Beanie.  
• URBAN PLUNGE - The Peyton Manning conundrum continues.  If Manning is a huge success, then having Eric Decker is a great move.  If Manning sucks, Decker will be riding the waiver wire.  Another big question is how New England and Tom Brady will fare this year.  Brady has always been a huge points producer.  I don't see that changing this year, but you never know.  Also the Chris Johnson situation will warrant watching.  Will he be the pre-extension running back or the fat slob from last year?
• MONKEY - Team owner, Josh Ellis, is staring Kevin Smith.  That alone should demonstrate how shaky this team could be.  I mean, I am the biggest UCF homer out there.  [I don't care what Eddie Gilley says.  I think we can take Ohio State.] But even I wouldn't start Kevin Smith.  I blame all of this on the fact that Ellis lives in Knoxville.  That messes with a person's head.
• 8/25/12 1 SEC PAST 2 - The winner for the dumbest team name ever is team owner, Matt Sharp.  For those of you who haven't figured this out yet, here is what happens.  Matt waits until I send out my annual "don't cheat an try to get around the waiver wire opening" email.  He finds my threatening phrase and turns it into his team name.  Last year it was Duly Warned.  The year before it was Dire Consequences.  This year, though, he opted for this instead of the much superior Zero Dark Thirty.  As far as his team goes, there are as many question marks on this roster as Gator Greats.  Those teams are very similar.  They could make a run for the title or flame out in magnificent fashion.  

And now for another new first.  I am going to predict the finish for our league.  Why?  Because I can.

1. Blue Ridge Bombers
2. Stickboy
3. Gator Greats
4. 8/25/12 1 Sec Past 2
5. Mean Green
6. Urban Plunge
7. Orlando Blundered
8. Monkey
9. Bloodthirsty Ferrets
10. rock bottom
11. 50 feet of crap
12. Tampa Bay Rams

As always, don't count on this blog lasting too far into the season.  I will make a valiant effort.  But I know myself too well.  So until next time (which may be next year), let's play some football!

Season Ten: Week Three

One of the beautiful things about sports is the ability to find hope. Each new season begins with everyone on a level playing field. 0–0. And every team, for at least a few weeks, believes that they can win it all – however irrational that belief may be. Even when your favorite team may be perennial doormats, there still is a small ray of hope that things may change THIS time. Take a quick glance at Major league baseball (if you have to). The Tampa Bay Rays were the laughing stock of the league. For years, they had the worst record in the toughest division. However, between the hiring of a quirky manager, with his old-school glasses and strange love of plaid, and the benefit of a great farm system the team has joined the elite of the league. Even after losing several of their big-name stars to richer teams, they are right back in the playoff hunt this year. With the beginning of football season, fans across the country embrace the hope again. This year will be different. This year we can contend.

Of course, within a few weeks, this hope is usually dashed. FSU fans realize that they have entered the Notre Dame zone. If their team has even a glimmer of talent the national sportswriters fall all over themselves and overrank them. Reality sets in after back-to-back losses. Even the most devout Seminole fan must admit that by losing to Clemson you cannot claim that you are “finally back.” UCF fans entered the year hoping that last year's success could be translated into making the leap to a legitimate program. After whipping two subpar teams, the Knights looked very good. After two stupid losses on the road, fans had to recognize that they don't belong in an elite conference—and time has run out. Eagles fans had to come to grips with the fact that they hitched their full success on the back of Michael Vick, a quarterback who has never played a full season uninjured.

But there still are the success stories–the ones that continue to breed hope. For every Indianapolis Colts, there is a Detroit Lions. For every Miami Dolphins fan who watched their team be destroyed by Tom Brady and the Patriots, there is a Buffalo Bills fan who watched their team destroy him. For every Mississippi State and Michigan State, there is a South Florida and Oklahoma State. And so the cycle of hope goes on. But probably not for you.

A Brief Word From the Commish


The collapse came early this year, didn't it? Normally this blog is kept up-to-date until about week 13. It starts to get shaky about the same time that my team does. I know I probably raised expectations for a more consistent schedule since this is our 10th anniversary. Boy, I proved that wrong. I tried to explain some of this the other day on my regular blog.  I've been going through a lot. Blah blah blah. This week is an attempt to try to get back on track. It probably is not as thorough as it should be. But at least it's something.

To be completely honest, I have barely kept up with my fantasy teams at all. In my other league, we start two quarterbacks every week. I used the 1st selection in my draft on Michael Vick. In the 5th round, I chose Peyton Manning. As a throwaway security measure in round 16, I selected Cam Newton. I figured I had dodged a bullet when Manning went down since I could put in Newton. Imagine my glee when Newton proved to be a fantasy bonanza. To get me back, the fantasy football powers that be decided to make Michael Vick a human voodoo doll. Now I'm starting Tavaris Jackson. He was the best option. Seriously. What kind of world do we live in where Tavaris Jackson is a starting quarterback on any sane person's fantasy league? Needless to say my team sucks in that league.

But this isn't about THAT league.  No one cares about THAT league.  (Except for Duly Warned, Urban Plunge, and Orlando Blundered who also play in THAT league.  But that is neither here nor there.)  We all care about the STAPLES FOOTBALL LEAGUE.  And we want some news from the STAPLES FOOTBALL LEAGUE.  So, I will attempt to get off of my emotional couch and make myself metaphysically useful for a minute.  On to the news!!!

Staples Football League News

This year has already been a bizarre one.  Our defending champ, Gator Greats, has taken up residence in the sewer that his namesake animal allegedly prefers.  Da Bus, at 3-0, is perched at the top of the rankings - our very own life sized replica of the Detroit Lions.  In fact, our rankings are just as caddywampus as the NFL.  The top three teams (Da Bus, Queen City Noles, Orlando Blundered) are usually battling the nicer bunks in the basement.  Instead, they are sitting pretty with a combined record of 7-2.  They are closely followed by perennial powerhouses Bloodthirsty Ferrets, Stickboy, and Duly Warned - all spotting identical 2-1 records.  As they always say, it is a long season.  And a lot can happen.  Remember, the Pittsburgh Pirates and Kansas City Royals have led their divisions in the spring over the last decade.  But the long cruel season has a way of revealing a team's true colors.

(That entire argument can be nullified by the fact the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl two years ago.  Ten year old me would never believe that.)

• Last week's Ferrets vs Gators matchup was one of those ones that just don't seem right.  The final score was 99.45 to 99.40.  You know what that difference is?  One yard.  One freaking passing yard.  It isn't some long touchdown or some incredible finger tip interception or a kickoff return.  It is the fact that some ref randomly placed the ball a couple of inches different on a completed Cam Newton pass.  That was all written to make Gator Greats feel worse than he already does.
• If you look at the Points For and Points Against categories, it looks like our league is pretty evenly matched.  There isn't a huge discrepancy between those two stats like in years past.  Of course, the year is young.  Plenty of time for blowouts.  
• Hey, remember when it used to be common Fantasy Football knowledge that the way to win was to overload your draft with running backs?  In Monkey's first year, that was how he "rigged the draft."  This year?  Nine of the top ten players in our league are Quarterbacks.  The tenth is Wes Welker.  Fifteen of the top twenty are QBs.  Something to think about.
• Michael Vick is ranked 29th this year, after being first last year.  He's three spots below Rex Grossman and one spot above Jason Campbell.  

Here's one other thing I wanted to run by you guys about the draft.  Every year for the last seven or eight years, we have done a random draft.  The computer assigns the order.  But, every year I get accused of rigging the draft to my benefit.  I somehow won "best draft" this year from Yahoo! - which I still don't understand their criteria.  We have never done anything like keeper league or carrying anything over from year to year.  Is that something you guys want us to do?  Should we have keeper players starting next year?  Should year end ranking determine draft status?  There really is no reward for winning the league - should that team automatically get first pick?  Should we have rankings from this year serve as draft order next year?  Can I fit more questions into this?  Feel free to contribute your opinions via the comments on this blog or the league message board or the facebook chain.

Well, it wasn't much.  But at least it was something.  Hopefully next week will be a little better.  Each week I will strive to improve.  By week 12, my goal is for this to be a the high standards you have come to expect.  Then it will be all the more painful when I just stop again and never even act like the postseason happened.  Muuhuuhaahaahaa!!!

Official SFL Ruling on Waiver Violation(s)

CONTROVERSY!! UPROAR!! LEAGUE YEAR MUST BE OPEN!!!  WHY DO I KEEP SCREAMING??

Once again, the SFL league year kicked off with a truckload of controversy.  For those of you who weren't up at midnight on the mad dash to the waiver wire, here is a summary of what happened.

1. The commish announced via Facebook that the league would be opened on Thursday.  That means that the draft would commence on Thursday night.  In that same communication, the commish announced that the waiver wire would be opened for pickups on midnight, Friday night (as Friday turns into Saturday).  
2. This was clarified multiple times via Facebook on the ongoing chat dialogue between all teams.
3. This was not a new rule instituted this year.  In fact, it is a rule that has been in existence for many years - and one that has been the source of much contention for at least five teams over the years: Monkey, Odious Repercussions,  Stickboy, Tampa Bay Rams, and Orlando Blunder.
4. The draft happened, as planned on Thursday night.
5. At 5:15pm, Mrs Commish left for an overnight trauma call at ORMC, leaving The Commish home with the kids until the next morning.
6. At 6:00pm - six hours before the waivers were opened - Orlando Blunder added and dropped a bunch of players.
7. At 7:00pm, the youngest son of The Commish fell asleep and was gently laid in his bed.
8. At 10:15pm, the youngest son of The Commish woke up screaming with a nasty cough.  The Commish moved said child into The Commish's bed and he laid down with him to get him back to sleep.
9. Approximately 10:25pm, The Commish fell asleep.
10. At 11:59pm (Yahoo! time), Monkey made his first signing - one minute before the waiver wire opened.  
11. At 12:00am, The Commish's Facebook messaging blew up with multiple complaints by Stickboy, Odious Repercussions, and Monkey.
12. At 6:22am, The Commish was awaken by his youngest son.  Soon thereafter, Mrs Commish came home.  The Commish checked his phone and saw the uproar.
13. At 8:00am, Orlando Blunder checked in on the league page and explained his actions.

As the league has investigated this chain of events, they have found several mitigating factors that must be taken into account.  

• All of the communication about the draft and waivers were send out via Facebook.  But, NONE of it was posted on the league page.  This was a major failure on the part of The Commish.  
• Most people check their Facebook only slightly less frequently than they breathe.  However, some teams in our league do not.  And one team - Urban Plunge - does not even have a Facebook page. By strictly communicating via Facebook, The Commish unfairly left several teams out of the information circle.  These teams include: Tampa Bay Rams, Urban Plunge, Orlando Blunder.  
• The Commish was planning on being up at midnight to police the waiver signings.  He also planned on locking all the teams from making pickups until midnight.  However, he failed on both accounts.  He ended up falling asleep with his son, so he was not up for the waiver blitz.  And he forgot to change the settings, even though he got on Yahoo! to do just that early Friday morning.
• Orlando Blunder has been very diligent in checking the league page for weeks.  He and The Commish had talked about just that fact on Sunday at church.
• There is no posted clock on the Yahoo! page.

After taking this all into account, here are the league's findings.

• The Commish's ineptitude is reaching legendary status.  He consistently makes stupid decisions and fails to follow through on the simplest of tasks.  It is truly a miracle that his individual still is able to function in the civilized world.  Perhaps this begins to explain why he is such a mammoth failure as a human being, if he cannot control something like Fantasy Football.
• Orlando Blunder was operating in good faith based on the information at his disposal.  Something as important as the league draft and waiver rules should have been posted on all possible media sources - Facebook, League Yahoo! page, SFL blog.  To limit it to Facebook was discriminatory to several teams - and yet another example of The Commish's raging ineptitude.
• Monkey was not trying to circumvent the waiver process.  If he was, he would have moved before 11:59.  That can easily be written off to his computer being on a different clock.  
• Having a waiver wire open at midnight, while cute in its mimicking of the NFL, is actually quite a stupid decision.  It eliminates fair participation for people who have small children, people who have to wake up early, people who have social lives, and narcoleptics.  Again, the fault for this must be squarely placed on The Commish's shoulders.  

PENALTIES AND PLAYER DECISIONS

1. All transactions from yesterday's fiasco have been nullified.  All players have been returned to their original teams.  As a team owner, please check your roster to make sure you have the same rosters that was originally drafted.
2. The new opening of waiver transactions will be SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2001 at 3:35pm.  Hopefully this will land in between everyone's church responsibilities on Sunday.  It should give you enough time to go to church and hear a stirring sermon, eat at Tijuana Flats or Sonny's with your close companions, get home and changed into your comfy sweats, and get a cool refreshing beverage before the league opens.  It also should take place before you have to get your not quite as fancy clothes back on for evening services.  It is completely impossible to find a time that is equally fair to all teams - if it is during the day during the week it favors college students (Da Bus),  losers who stay home all day (The Commish), and slackers at work (Mean Green).  If it is at night, it favors anal retentive people who take fantasy football way too seriously (you know who you are).  
3. Once again, the waiver wire will be opened 3:35pm, SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2011.
4. All teams will remain locked until that point.  The league will unlock teams when the LEAGUE CLOCK reads 3:35pm.
5. In the mad rush for claiming players, the right to sign people will be determined by the traditional waiver rules.  Basically, if two teams both want to sign Carson Palmer and enter claims at the same time, the team with the lower waiver ranking will get the player.  These rankings are listed on the standings on the front page of the league.  These waiver rankings are usually based on the inverse of the draft order before the season starts.  Once the season starts, these ranking are determined by current record and who signed someone last.  
6. All penalties exacted for this set of rule violations will be seen in this waiver ranking.
7. The Commish, for his complete ineptitude and stupidity will suffer the brunt of the penalties.  His team will be locked until Tuesday, September 6, 2011.  He also will be listed last in the waiver rankings (as opposed to his current 5th place).
8. Orlando Blunder will be moved to the 11th spot, as opposed to his current 9th place in penalty for his signing players early - even though he was not completely informed of the dates.
9. Monkey will be moved to the 4th spot, as opposed to his current 3rd spot for his signing of players one minute early.
10. From now on, all vital league information will be posted on Facebook, this blog, and the league page.  That may just be a link to this blog.  But there will at least be a note posted on all three sites.  On the league page, please check both the message board and commish's notes sections.
11. If anyone feels this is unfair, please contact The Commish personally.  He still has phone privileges during his banishment.

League's Tenth Year Opens

After a contentious off-season that mirrored the league that it exists to fantasize about, the Staples Football League officially has opened its tenth year of existence.  That means that it is only a matter of time before a computer randomly assigns players in a "draft" and the waiver wire greets a mad dash to scoop up the delicious castoffs.  Before we get to the player dispersal, let's take a moment to look back and to get to know our teams.

A Humble Beginnings
The Staples Football League began back in August of 2002.  It was the dream of one man - David Staples.  The year prior, Staples found himself playing fantasy football for the very first time on some pathetic public Yahoo! league.  Staples won his league, which got him thinking.  "Huh, that wasn't very hard. I could start my own league and invite my handful of friends to play."  So the following fall, he did just that.  he invited his small collection of people still talking to him to join his league.  Most of them said no.  But five intrepid souls replied, "Yeah, I guess."  These team owners were Eddie Gilley (Gator Greats), Ryan Marlatt (Tampa Bay Rams), Greg Ramer (Queen City Noles), Benji Stultz (Stickboy), and Chip Creviston (Bandits Deux).  With just six teams, Staples had his league.  And following in the footsteps of other egomaniacs like Donald Trump and Walt Disney, Staples hung his own name on his creation.  Thus was born the Staples Football League.  Since that year, the SFL has changed much.  Nineteen different owners have participated.  Many people changed the name of their teams multiple times, making it very difficult to remember just who the owner was.  But that core group of six remained - except for one.

The Exile of a Bandit
After expanding to eight teams in 2003, the SFL was poised to make a giant leap in Year Three.  Assuming all eight teams would be returning, Staples made big plans to expand the league to ten or twelve teams in 2004.  His newly enlarged pool of acquaintances caused him to believe that he could generate more owners.  It was a classic misstep, almost as grievous as the NHL expanding to Columbus and Atlanta.  Instead of the league growing, only five teams showed up.  What was worse, founding member Creviston committed the unforgivable sin and did not check his email - despite working with Staples and seeing him every day.  After waiting as long as possible, Staples was forced to take desperate measures.  He recruited a ringer and semi-professional fantasy football player - Josh Ellis (Monkey) - to take the last spot.  This forever changed the SFL.  The loss of an original team unearthed a nasty streak in the league commissioner.  He refused to ever invite Creviston again, despite pleas from the Bandit.  And Monkey's arrival came with much uproar.  Ellis took to the message board and ripped into his new league mates.  He mocked their draft and demanded to be awarded the title outright.  He offered to just take the title before the season and allow a redraft.  (He stumbled to a 6-8 season, but did indeed win the title.)  The dirty secret behind it all was that Staples had told Ellis to cause the trouble as part of his invitation - just another example of The Commish's increasingly erratic behavior.  Staples himself offered up a ridiculous 4-10 last place finish.

Fluctuations
For the next few years, the SFL was almost always in flux.  They would see teams come and go, but it never dropped below eight teams again.  People would sign up for a year or two and then quietly drift away - not responding to emails and joining Creviston in SFL banishment.  Staples proved himself a cruel commissioner.  He created ridiculous rules, like not allowing anyone to sign people on the waiver wire for several days after the draft and stripping violators of free agents.  He also began an annual habit of mimicking the Indianapolis Colts by running up gaudy regular season records and then tanking in the playoffs.  It also saw the arrival of Matt Sharp (Odious Repercussions), who was always good for a jab or two, usually through his team name.  You could basically tell where The Commish was spending most of his time by looking at who joined the league.  One year, the league was peppered with people from First Baptist Oviedo's college ministry.  The next it was students at International Community School.  Through this time of upheaval, the core group of players remained.  The most painful short-timer was in the person of Brad Crawford - owner of the 5 Star Drawbacks.  He won the championship is his first year in 2007.  But he tanked the next year and soon felt the pain of banishment.  He is the only champion to leave the SFL.

Stability
For the last two years, the SFL has experienced a relatively stable existence.  There has been a very strong core of nine teams that will be playing together for the third straight year.  This stability has had a positive effect on Commissioner Staples and the league.  Staples started a blog for the league.  There has not been very many ugly draft/waiver related issues.  There has been a good distribution of teams in the playoffs.  And rating are at a record high.  Nothing has showed the positive growth in our bizarre league leader than in the negotiations for the current anniversary season.  Instead of being small minded and petty as is his typical lot, Staples actually extended invitations to several formerly banished teams.  As a result, the league has swelled to its highest level ever - twelve teams.  Every team from last year returned.  And two former teams - Creviston's Bandits and Allen Turner's Urban Plunge - have brought back into the fold from their Siberian exile.  It is shaping up to be a great year.  Let's look at the teams.

2011-2012 SFL Lineup


Team: Gator Greats
Team Owner: Dr. Eddie Gilley

2010-2011 Record and Rank: 9-5, 1st Place

Years Participated: 10th Year

About the Owner: Dr. Gilley is the BCM Director for Gainesville, Florida

How Long He's Known the Commish: 15 years

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Dr. Gilley was Staples' boss for two years in Tampa when Staples first entered the ministry and gained fame and notoriety by starting BCMs at area campuses and then killing them within a year.

Favorite Sports Teams: Florida Gators, Tampa Bay Bucs

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Eddie and his son, Kevin, are both strong ping pong players.  In 2008, they were part of a special tournament staged at UF's O'Connell Center between amateur players and a team of Chinese professional players.  The Gilleys lost in a heartbreaker in the opening round, 11-0.  At one point, everyone thought Kevin may get a point with a drop shot.  But Chinese superstar Xi Liang leapt horizontally over the table and tapped the ball back over the net with his patented "drop dead dumpling drop shot."


Team: Stickboy
Team Owner: Benji Stultz
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 8-6, 2nd Place
Years Participated: 10th Year
About the Owner: Benji is a mental health counselor.
How Long He's Known the Commish: 15 yearsOwner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Benji was a student at the USF BCM and started school the same time Staples started working there.
Favorite Sports Teams: USF Bulls, Tampa Bay Bucs
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: While in Australia, Benji and The Commish were fortunate to take part in the sacred circumcision rites for a flock of Wooly Booloos.  These majestic animals are only found along Australia's Gold Coast and are valued for their luxurious wool.  But they are almost extinct.  Their remaining numbers are closely protected by aboriginal people - known as the Wooly Boolers.

Team: Bloodthirsty Ferrets

Team Owner: David Staples - The Commish

2010-2011 Record & Rank: 12-2, 3rd Place

Years Participated: 10th Year

About the Owner: David Staples IS The Commish, now available on DVD from ABC Video
How Long He's Known the Commish: 37 years (20 years metaphysically)

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: The Owner IS The Commish, also available on Netflix

Favorite Sports Teams: UCF Knights, Jacksonville Jaguars

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: While working at the Apple Store, David worked with Joey Fatone from N'Sync and helped him purchase a cable that would allow him to watch videos from his phone on his high-def TV.  He also helped former Orlando Magic player Keith Bogans purchase a new iPhone.  He was not there the day Steve Carrell came in and bought his parents a computer.  But he did get to tell approximately 21,763 Brazilians that they were not allowed to purchase an iPhone due to contract limitations with AT&T.  "Lo siento.  Estados Unidos solamente.  Dos anos contracto con AT&T."  He considered getting that printed on a t-shirt.



Team: Odious Repercussions
Team Owner: Matt Sharp
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 10-4, 4th Place
Years Participated: 5th Year
About the Owner: Matt Sharp works in the printing and copying industry.
How Long He's Known the Commish: 32 yearsOwner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Matt Sharp has known The Commish since Kindergarten.  They roomed together in college and attended BCM together, although it was a different combination of letters then.
Favorite Sports Teams: Miami Dolphins, Miami Hurricanes, Miami Penal League, Miami Area Agents, UCF Knights
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Matt and The Commish both competed throughout their elementary and high school years in something called "Academic Games."  Students from schools across Palm Beach County would get together and battle in games like Equations, Variations, Linguistics, Propaganda, and US Presidents.  The teams all had elaborate entrances and chants.  These warriors also had a special name.  They were called nerds.


Team: Orlando Blunder
Team Owner: Randy Gillis (not God)
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 5-9, 5th Place
Years Participated: 3rd Year
About the Owner: Randy is a big wig computer programmer and bossy pants person at Top Tech Systems.
How Long He's Known the Commish: 13 yearsOwner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Randy was a college minister in Gainesville when The Commish was a college minister in Tampa.  They also served on church staff together at Odyssey/Waypoint/LifePointe Church.
Favorite Sports Teams: Miami Dolphins, Florida Gators, UCF Knights
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Randy's company creates software that helps run gas station pumps.  In times of emergency, Randy will be forced to hop on a plane to travel to distant lands to fix these pumps.  He has been called to such places as Calgary, Hawaii, and California.  He also was once called to Iceland.  The entire country was at a virtual standstill in 2009 thanks to a software glitch that took out all the pumps in one swoop.  Randy was escorted through the streets of Reykjavik, littered with abandoned cars, and was met with cheering crowds as he approached the Ministry of Petrol building.  Calmly he bent down and plugged the system back in and flew back home.

Team: Tampa Bay Rams 

Team Owner: Ryan Marlatt

2010-2011 Record and Rank: 6-8, 6th Place

Years Participated: 10th Year

About the Owner: Ryan works in the book industry.

How Long He's Known the Commish: 15 years 

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Ryan was a student at the USF BCM and at FBC Temple Terrace when The Commish was conducting his reign of terror in Tampa.

Favorite Sports Teams: USF Bulls, Tampa Bay Bucs

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: One day while working at Lifeway Christian Store, Ryan had the pleasure to work with a nice old woman from down the street.  She was buying some greeting cards to send to her Sunday School class.  The cards were on sale.  At the checkout, the woman was trying to decide whether or not to buy some Testamints.  Ryan talked her into it.  She said they were tasty.  

Team: Mean Green 

Team Owner: David Tarkingston

2010-2011 Record and Rank: 7-7, 7th Place

Years Participated: 2nd Year

About the Owner: David Tarkington is the Senior Pastor of FBC Orange Park.

How Long He's Known the Commish: 13 years 

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: David was a youth pastor when The Commish was in college ministry. They worked together on several convention and association projects.  And Tarkington was kind enough to send a young lady down to Tampa to go to school - who became Mrs. Commish (soon to be Dr. Mrs. Commish).

Favorite Sports Teams: North Texas Mean Green, Jacksonville Jaguars, 

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: David has come up with a new way to increase baptisms in the Southern Baptist Convention.  His plan was so well received in the state offices that they are putting it into immediate effect.  This Spring Break, teams will be traveling to the many beach destinations.  They will break into squads of three.  One will be armed with a paintball gun, one with a Super Soaker, one with a Bible and portable printer.  The first will randomly shoot people in the forehead with red paintballs.  The second will then spray them in the face with water.  The third will yell loudly "I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."  He then will print out a baptism certificate and hand it to the person.  David's new nickname in the Convention is "Water Gun Preacher."

Team: Da Bus
Team Owner: Jason Mills
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 7-7, 8th place
Years Participated: 3rd Year
About the Owner: Jason is a student at the University of Florida
How Long He's Known the Commish: 4 yearsOwner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Jason was a student in The Commish's Bible class during his short stint as a teacher at ICS
Favorite Sports Teams: Florida Gators
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Jason is a massive fan of Star Wars.  He has even gone so far as to memorize the entire original trilogy (cause the prequel is CRAP! - according to Jason).  But, taking that one step further, Jason has also memorized the famous cantina scene in Episode IV in NINE languages - including Wookie.  Jason has his midichlorian count monitored annually.


Team: Monkey
Team Owner: Josh Ellis
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 3-11, 9th Place
Years Participated: 8th Year
About the Owner: Josh Ellis is a State Farm insurance Agent in Knoxville, TN.
How Long He's Known the Commish: 9 years 
Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Josh's dad worked with The Commish at FBC Oviedo.  His wife also worked there with The Commish.  Josh played in the orchestra with Mrs. Commish.  Through these many connections, Josh and The Commish actually met and conversed.
Favorite Sports Teams: Florida Gators, Miami Dolphins, UCF Knights
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Josh is a big time Gator fan.  He lives in Knoxville, TN.  And he refuses to allow Rocky Top to get to him.  He has worn a Gator shirt every Saturday since he moved there.  He frequently will drive by sports bars in the city and scream insults at Tennessee fans as they prepare to watch games.  He burns a UT flag after every home game.  Last year, though, his heart was broken as his young son came home with an orange T painted on his face after a local carnival.  Pinned to the boy's shirt was a note that said, "We don't have to stop you, Gator Fan.  We'll win your son over."



Team: Queen City Noles
Team Owner: Greg Ramer
2010-2011 Record and Rank: 3-11, 10th Place
Years Participated: 10th Year
About the Owner: Greg Ramer works for the State of Florida Medical Licensing Office.  He also is attending Reformed Theological Seminary.
How Long He's Known the Commish: 15 years 
Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Greg was a student at FBC Temple Terrace while The Commish was the college minister there.  They also roomed together.  Then they dined together frequently in Tallahassee during The Commish's two years in the North Florida wilderness.
Favorite Sports Teams: FSU Seminoles, Tampa Bay Bucs
Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Greg is a huge UFC/MMA fan.  He actually has begun the process of trying to become a MMA fighter.  He's been working out and training with famed Florida MMA trainer Eduardo "Edward" Ramirez-Goldberg.  Last Saturday, Greg participated in his first bout at "Open Octagon Nite" at Tallahassee night spot Nolez Nitez.  He lasted 1:16, until his opponent, Bubba Ray Brown, used his dreaded submission hold - The Chestnut Mangler - and Ramer tapped out.  

Team: Rabid Beagle Bandito 

Team Owner: Chip Creviston

2010-2011 Record and Rank: N/A

Years Participated: 3rd Year

About the Owner: Chip is a Respiratory Sales Consultant at Cardinal Health, whatever the heck that means.

How Long He's Known the Commish: 17 years 

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Chip was a student in the UCF BCM/BSM/BCU/BSU/GLBSU with The Commish.  They also worked together at FBC Oviedo.

Favorite Sports Teams: UCF Knights, San Francisco 49ers, Jacksonville Jaguars

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Chip is a new father.

Team: Urban Plunge 

Team Owner: Allen Turner

2010-2011 Record and Rank: N/A

Years Participated: 3rd Year

About the Owner: Allen Turner is an environmental engineer that has provided the Commish countless hours of laughter as he details his work with "solid waste" systems.  

How Long He's Known the Commish: 17 years

Owner's Unfortunate Tie to The Commish: Allen and The Commish were students together at UCF and were in BCM together.  They also roomed together and spent many hours making other people's lives miserable.  

Favorite Sports Teams: UCF Knights, Tampa Bay Bucs

Random Trivia That May or May Not Be True: Allen once had to work at a sewage treatment plant at a nudist colony outside of Tampa.  They were very strict, so all of the residents and staff had to be completely naked at all times - even during meetings with outside contractors.  They rarely brought in outside help to deal with any problems, due to privacy issues.  And most vendors refused to deal with the nudists.  But Allen's company agreed to help - and even went so far as to say their workers would also be nude during the work.  Allen said the job wasn't too difficult and they even bent the rules and let him wear his tool belt.

SEASON TEN?!?

Well, I guess the NFL will be ending its ridiculous lockout in a few days. And that means that we all are supposed to go running back and fall back in love with professional football. Personally, I was really conflicted about this. I am having a severe crisis of affection for the national sport. I was completely disgusted by the fight over EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS - especially at a time when so many were suffering. And, secondly, I am horrified as I find out more about the problems that come from head related injuries in football. Between the two, I have about had my fill with the NFL. As of about a week ago, I still had not decided if I was going to relaunch the Staples Football League.

If you want to know what really did, it was this. It is the TENTH YEAR of the SFL. That is a big accomplishment, to have a fake football league for that long. And, I couldn't stand the thought of disbanding the league right when we were hitting that anniversary. So, I relented and bought back in to the NFL crap. Here are some FAQs I'm sure you have.

1. How Do I Join This Fine League?
Good question.  The link to the league is here.  You should have received an email with the password.  If not, let me know.

2. Is the Commish Actually Going to Post on His Blog This Year?
As always, yes.  He will definitely post.

3. Is He Going to Post the Whole Year?
You know what, smart aleck?  Why don't you come try to do this and stay home with three kids and run a ministry.  See how well you post a weekly update on football read by AT MOST ten people.  Ingrate.

4. Will the Winner Receive a Prize?
As with past years, the winner may be promised a prize.  But they will not actually receive it.


5. Are All the Posts Going to Be Sanctimonious Griping Against the NFL Like Last Year?
Jackwagon.  If you don't want to read the posts, go somewhere else.  The internet is full of other things, like pictures of cats licking each other.  Feel free to explore those options.  Here's one to get you started.

6. You Seem Testy.  Is It Your Time of Month?
I don't appreciate the tone this FAQ has taken.

7. Are There Any Surprises in Store for the Ten Year Celebration?
We are inviting some old teams to rejoin the league.  And we are trying to book a big time celebrity to perform for our autopick draft.  Final details are being worked out as we speak.  I don't want to give away too much too soon, but her last name could be the answer to this question: "What do you call a residence that serves fermented grape juice."  Pretty exciting stuff.

8.  That Was Wrong, You Know That?
What?  What are you talking about.

9.  Anything Else You Want to Tell Us?
I hope you sign up.  It will be epic.  And even if the NFL turns your stomach, it doesn't mean you should neglect the virtual fellowship with other believers.

10.  You Are Stupid.  Anyone Ever Tell You That?
More people than I can count.

NINTH SEASON: WEEK EIGHT

This is something I never thought I would say:  I am beginning to hate sports.  I never would have believed I was capable of that.  When I was a kid, there were two sections of the newspaper I would read - the sports and the comics.  I read Sports Illustrated every week.  I watched the sports on the local news every night.  (Pat Murphy was my favorite sportscaster, for you West Palm Beach peeps.)  I never was one of those weird kids that was uber-obsessed with sports.  But I certainly loved them.

Now, though, that has all changed.  I have mentioned several times how hard it is to root for a corporation (unless its Apple).  But my discontent today comes from something different - the inability to keep things in perspective.  There were three events that highlighted this.  The first was the release of Randy Moss by Minnesota.  Here is the guy who is widely considered the best receiver of his generation.  He could light up the field like few others.  But he now has been unceremoniously dismissed from FOUR teams in his career.  In the subsequent arguments surrounding his ultimate landing place, many commentators said that Moss was a "clubhouse cancer."  He was a "cancer" to the team and should be avoided by teams with good chemistry.  [This concept also cropped up with the Kevin Garnett vs Charlie Villanueva spat - but that is basketball, so who gives a darn?  Except Mean Green.]

On the flip side, Mississippi State found out what a "clubhouse cancer" actually was.  Twenty year old defensive end Nick Bell died this week.  He was shockingly diagnosed with cancer in September.  Less than two months later, he was dead.  Now, I ask you, which clubhouse had a more traumatic experience?  The Minnesota Vikings had to put up with a petulant, entitled, arrogant, annoying millionaire as they all enjoyed their million dollar contract.  MSU had to deal with watching a young teammate not even in the prime of his life go from SEC athlete to dead man.  It was a horrible and tragic story.  And, two days later, it was buried onto a third level link on ESPN.com.  Randy Moss continued to be the lead story.  Moss was many things - he was a distraction, he was a jerk, he was a weirdo, he was a talented star.  But he wasn't a cancer.  Cancer kills.  It's more than an annoyance.

The last story was the death of Declan Sullivan up at Notre Dame.  Here was a kid who desperately wanted to be a part of the football world.  So he's helping out the team.  They send the guy up onto a big scaffolding during a storm with 50 mph winds.  The thing collapses and now he's dead.  Why is he dead?  Because Notre Dame is coached by Brian Kelly - and he needed to show his team that he had big balls and that he wasn't going to cancel practice for nothing.  They are warriors!  They are superheroes!  Here is a particularly damning article from ESPN about the whole issue.  Kelly is one of the new breed of coaches who treat their players like crap - but aren't so brazen as to choke them like Bobby Knight.  They are sports CEOs - dictating the rules, forcing excellence, and then bailing to take a better job.  Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban, John Callipari, Lane Kiffin.  And although I know I'll catch grief from Gator Greats, I would say Urban Meyer needs put on that list.  And I'm sure that Jimbo Fisher is of the same cloth, since he trained under Saban.  They don't care about players.  They care about winning games, winning titles, getting pay raises, moving to better jobs.  That's why Notre Dame was out in dangerous weather.  And that's why Declan Sullivan was up on a scaffolding.  And that's why he's dead.  I'm not just pointing fingers here.  UCF killed a player a few years ago because George O'Leary and his staff mocked players for being wimps and needing wussy stuff like water in the stifling heat.  So the kid died.  No consequences for O'Leary.  Jim Leavitt and Mike Leach get fired for locking a kid in a closet or hitting a kid - but we now have coaches killing kids and they don't even get a slap.

It is a seriously screwed up industry - which is why I am really starting to hate sports.  People don't matter.  It is all about dollars and power and status.  But, then again, is this really any different than any other industry.  Having worked in the church world for almost fifteen years, I can say that it is just as guilty of those things.  And we all see in politics that the average person doesn't matter at all.  The last election showed that.  It seemed like some candidates campaigned on the fact that they were less humane than their opponents.  Basically, you had to decide if you wanted to be a free spending quasi socialist or a industry loving, human being hating facist.  (At least according to Facebook status updates.)  As we in this league all know, this isn't going to get any better.  We are on a fast track to the last book in the Bible.  To me, sports had always been a way to escape the garbage all around me.  Now it gets me depressed.

NFL NOTES

• What is the deal with the release of Shawne Merriman by the Chargers?  A few years ago, he burst onto the scene as a wrecking ball on defense.  He won Rookie of the Year and was named to the Pro Bowl team in his first season.  He raked in lucrative endorsement deals.  Then he got busted for using steroids and got suspended.  But he still finished third in the vote for Defensive Player of the Year.  He made the Pro Bowl that year, and the next.  Dominant player, tons of talent.  Then he became injury prone, beat the crap out of his girlfriend, and then got cut by the Chargers - in the same year he was their "franchise player."  It was yet another example of wasted talet and someone who just couldn't stay in football for some reason.  Maybe it was that he lost focus.  Maybe the lack of steroids meant he didn't recover as well.  How does a player go from franchise tag to released in just a few months?
• The Jaguars have given up the most points in the NFL.  They have been outscored by 61 points.  But they are 4-4.  Huh?
• Carolina has only scored 85 points this year.  That is 30 points less than any other team (Cleveland).  The next lowest is Chicago with 126.  But John Fox is going to be a sought after coaching commodity?  This could go down as the worst contract year in the history of the NFL.
• Oh wait, I take that back.  Randy Moss is in a contract year.
• One good thing about Favre's complete meltdown is that we shouldn't have to put up with the retirement circus next year.  There's no way he can come back again.  Right?  Please tell me I'm right.
• The whole Donovan McNabb benching is so strange.  I mean, we have known he isn't a clutch performer since he lost his dinner during the Super Bowl.  But to get benched like that?  And Shanahanalama's explanations were amazing.  First is was Rex Grossman knew the offense better from being in it before.  (Huh?  Any time the better option is Rex Grossman, you must suck.)  Then it was that McNabb wasn't a good two minute quarterback.  Then it was that he is fat and out of shape.  Goooo!  Talk about having your player's back.  McNabb is one of the more easily offended and emotionally fragile players in the NFL.  Now he's supposed to come back and play for his coach who just called him fat, out of shape, inable to run and offense, and worse than Grossman?  Wow.
• The Chiefs and Raiders are playing on Sunday Night.  And NBC is glad about it?  What kind of world is this becoming?

COLLEGE NOTES

• As usual, here comes my UCF bit.  Over the years, I have thrown more than my share of punches at George O'Leary.  But I will also give him praise when I need to.  He was able to put two successful seasons together and broke the "on again, off again" curse.  This year, they are very impressive.  They have lost two games by a combined total of 10 points to NC State and Kansas State - who have both been ranked.  They have the best record in the state.  And they are the 2nd highest ranked team in the state.  You really could argue they are more impressive than FSU (the only team ahead of them), since they both lost to NC State.  But FSU's other loss was a blowout to Oklahoma and UCF's was to K-State during a tornado.  I just hope they can keep it up and beat Houston.  It's a Friday night game on ESPN2 - national coverage.  If they do, they will be ranked for the first time ever and on their way to the bowl season with a legitimate shot at a win there.  Good job UCF.
• The Big East expansion has dragged UCF into the discussion all over the country.  They are one of the teams that is an obvious target.  But, as a UCF fan, I don't want them to join the Big East.  I know that is dangerous.  They could hold out and end up being screwed over like Boise State.  But, it would be a premature jump.  Here's why.  The Big East doesn't want UCF for anything but football.  So that means their sports will be split up like they were for years.  That doesn't work because it destroys any chance at rivalries.  Second, the Big East is extremely unstable.  They are going to get poached when the ACC or SEC decides to go to 16 teams.  We know this.  So, does UCF risk getting stuck in the shell of the dying Big East in two years?  Or do they keep on building their programs and hope the ACC makes the right choice in a few years?  Maybe once they are the largest school in the nation that will help.
• BSU/TCU - I'll be honest with you, I am a bit nervous after last week.  I was hoping USC could take out Oregon, but it didn't happen.  And Auburn is freaking scary.  I still think Auburn can lose one of their games - the Alabama one and the SEC title game still loom.  BUT, if Bama does win, they immediately will jump into the title game.  We have seen how the system is all too ready to ignore Boise and TCU - jumping over them weekly.  This week is a big one.  TCU plays Utah, who could screw this whole thing up.  But if TCU beats Utah, it will help their stake.  Alabama plays LSU.  If the Tigers win, that will help get rid of Bama, but will put LSU back into the problem.  Auburn plays an intramural team this week, so they aren't in danger.  Neither is Oregon.  The chances are running out.  Auburn only plays UGA (ha) and Bama.  Oregon has Oregon State and Arizona left.  There's going to have to be an upset.
• Cam Newton is a beast.  How did he end up leaving UF?  Seriously, I have no clue how that all happened.  I know we can't play "what if," but good grief.  I doubt UF would be struggling so much with him back there.  I can't wait until he is holding a clipboard in the NFL.

SFL NOTES

• The Gator Greats/Bloodthirsty Ferrets game was all it was expected to be.  It was high scoring and close.  You hate to see a loser in that kind of game.  Gators made a valiant comeback at the end, but wound up just short.  They would have beaten every other team in the league by 20 points that game.  It just stinks to lose that way.
• Da Bus has quietly snuck up into the playoff race.  The top four teams (Ferret, Odious, Stickboy, Gators) have been the Colts, Patriots, Steelers, and Chargers of the last few years.  But Da Bus is right there.  After their narrow victory over the freefalling Tampa Bay Rams, they are 5-3 and ready to step up if one of the top four lose a game down the stretch.
• Four weeks ago, Mean Green was 3-1 and up near the top of the league.  Four losses later, they are part of the putrid bottom half of the league.  Seriously, the SFL is like the SEC right now.  You have the West at 5-3 or better.  Then the East is 3-5 or worse.  Relatively safe to say that the playoff teams will come from our "West."  
• The Tampa Bay Rams need to fire Wade Phillips right now.  
• The Trade Deadline is November 12!  Don't forget!