WEEK SEVEN: Makes Me Sick

I am feeling awful right now. I have been fighting some kind of angry terrorist virus. It isn't the piggy flu, I think. From what I understand, there are things that help to identify victims of H1N1X2C3P0. You have really high fevers. You barf a lot. You have explosive trots. And you are the type of person who frequents pig pens. I have none of those qualities. I am merely coughing and having a roller coaster fever. Right now, I am wearing long pants, a long sleeve shirt, socks, a short sleeve shirt, and socks. And I'm covered in a blanket. It isn't cold in here. I don't get it.

So, if I am not as thorough or as funny as you would like, I apologize. Of course, I would like to point out the fact that I have not missed a post yet. And THAT is commitment.

FOOTBALL THOUGHTS

• If you are interested in reading two more articles on why you should hate football, here is one. And here is two. Really, I am having a hard time. As I watched Westbrook walk off the field last night, I was thinking, "He could have just cut two years off his life right there with that hit."
• Is it just me, or are the bottom feeder teams in the NFL worse than normal? I don't ever recall the Arena League scores we are seeing this year. The Saints put up in the 40s every week. The Pats are uncorking their Offense. Teams like Cincy, Seattle, Dallas, Indy all have gone off in games. It just seems like there are horrendous blowouts every week. I was watching RedZone this week again and at one point, every game but one was separated by MORE THAN 21 POINTS. That's crazy.
• I'm going to say it right now. IF Florida and Alabama both go undefeated and meet in the SEC Championship Game, you know that Texas (or God forbid, USC) will worm into that other title slot. How freaking fair is that? Two teams are significantly superior and happen to play in the same conference. And then you get punished for that. (Punished being a relative terms, since you still earn $12 million for playing in a BCS bowl.)
• Here's a thought that is circulating that should get all your football loving hearts pumping. There is a good chance that UCF and USF will play in the St. Petersburg Bowl (assuming both qualify for bowl play). Isn't that exciting? Running to buy tickets? As a UCF fan, I laugh at this. I know it just totally shafts Leavitt. He wants to play UCF like he wants to recruit outside of Florida. But, as a UCF fan, I don't want this because I want to have a chance to win. And USF is in George O'Leary's head. Looking forward to THAT matchup.
• Speaking of O'Leary... There is a growing sentiment that maybe, just maybe, he isn't what he is cracked up to be. Maybe, he sucks. Here are the names floating around as potential replacements. Tommy Tuberville, Charlie Strong (UF Def. Coor), and Terry Bowden. (shaking head) Yeah, why would we do anything about that? We definitely should keep the drunk Irish guy.
• Speaking of old coaches past their prime... I love how everyone wants to give Bowden a new lease after their comeback win against NORTH FREAKING CAROLINA! I read an article that actually said that Bowden had his headphones on most of the game, and that they were even on. This is progress? How can people still defend him. He's a great man. We get it. But even great men get old.
• I cannot wait until Hype Bowl this weekend. Vikings at Green Bay. I guess it is a big deal. Or so ESPN has said once or twice. I know that we are going to be disappointed. There is not going to be the vicious fan attack everyone thinks it is. This is Green Bay. They are nice up there. Sure, they can get angry, especially when they get some beer and cheese curds in them. But this isn't Philly or Giants Stadium. Oh, man, if it was Giants Stadium. Every store in a ten mile radius would be out of batteries.
• Have you seen this sissy slap fight between Deadspin and ESPN? As a writer and "member of the blogosphere," I am so proud.
• I think the London game is really special for the teams involved. It is really something to suck on two continents. You can't pay for that experience.
• I could not even care one iota less about Iowa. In the SEC they go 9-3.
• You know that UGA is having a terrible season when I look at my picks for this week, see they are playing UF, and go "yeah right." Normally I can talk myself into picking the Dawgs.
• Small basketball note - I am actually excited for this season. Reason one: The Magic look like a lot of fun and legitimate contenders. Reason two: no concussions.

SFL RECAP

• What The What?: Volume One -- Bloodthirsty Ferrets was struggling this week. It would have been a relatively easy to take him down, thanks to the sterling work of Jacoby Jones, Rashard Mendendroptheball, and Steve Breaston. In fact, Ferrets was very nervous. Then, out of nowhere, Tampa Bay Rams BENCHES HIS QB and TE. In the middle of the game. Huh? Turns out there was a glitch on his cell phone adjustment. But, what the heck?
• What The What?: Volume Two -- The Human Bye Week is lined up against Monkey. This should be another notch in the simian's belt as he charges back up the rankings. Instead, thanks to the Steelas' Steelers' D, their total was 135 points. Monkey still had a great chance, until Brian Westbrook suffered the NFL injury of choice - a concussion. Steelas win.
• Gator Greats and Da Bus played a great game. The score flipped and flopped. It came down to Monday night. David Akers vs Donovan McNabb. With the Eagles playing the Redskins, you knew there would be scoring galore. McNabb played a pedestrian game, but still got enough points. Gators fall.
• Stickboy seemed very vulnerable this week, too. He was reeling from two straight loses. And there was this weird feeling about the matchup. Both teams had tons of players who took a fantasy dump, too (7 players each under 10 pts). But, somehow, Stickboy managed to win, thanks to Brett Favre's game ending interception.
• Does Ugly Consequences scare the fantasy bejeebers out of anyone else? The Miles Austin pickup was brilliant. Matt Schaub delivers each week. Minnesota's D is always strong. Of course, Cedric Benson won't have a personal "Screw you Windy City" game every week. I feel bad for Tally Noles. The score points every week. They average 110 points a week. But the other team scores more. Frustrating.

SFL WEEK EIGHT PREVIEW

• Starting at the top, Bloodthirsty Ferrets would be in a world of trouble this week. They had to pick up MATTHEW STAFFORD to play QB. Matthew . . . Stafford. They lost their QB, TE, RB. But, as fate would have it, they play the Human Bye Week Steelas. They have Steelers D and Wes Welker out. And I have it on good authority they aren't going to do anything about it.
• When I look at Ugly Consequences' lineup and who they are playing, I have to wonder: can they crack 200 points? I'm completely serious. It just may be a bad timing thing for Gator Greats.
• Monkey vs Da Bus. What is apeman going to do about his byes? He loses his kicker and Defense. Bus loses Kellen Winslow Jr, which actually may help him. Could it be both teams are 4-4 after this?
• Tampa Bay Rams finally got it. Start Drew Brees unless he is dead. And then consider it. He has some very favorable matchups with his roster. Bad Counsel, on the other hand, has several players involved in grudge match games (NYJ/MIA, GB/MIN). Those can go either way. You could hit it right and make a killing when the Jets slaughter the Fins, or you could misstep and get "evil Rex Ryan" that week.
• Stickboy vs Tally Noles. On paper, this isn't close. But one thing we have learned this year in the NFL, there is no ceiling for how good a team can be or a floor for how bad they can suck. When you have Peyton Manning, Jones-Drew, and Chris Johnson in a game, there is no telling which way it is going.