WEEK ONE: It's Baaaa-aaack

YEAH!

I just had to get that out. Football is finally back. I didn't realize just how much I missed my dear friend. But as the last game was shutting down on Monday night, I finally recognized the empty spot that was in my life. It is like when a really good friend moves away - the kind that you do all kind of dumb stuff with. You know what I'm talking about? The midnight Walmart runs. The TPing of houses. The urinating off the overpass. The taking advantage of farm animals. When they leave, you learn to live without them. You might even find someone else fun to hang out with. But it isn't until they come back for a visit that you REALLY grasp how much you have missed them.

That's football. Sure, I dabbled with the Magic and the NBA this year - and with the Rays and the World Series last year. But it wasn't the same. Then I realized football was coming back. I went back and reminisced about old times (training camp), looked through old pictures (preseason guides), planned for what we were going to do this time (preseason). Then there was the glimmer where my friend got off the plane, but still had to go through baggage claim (last weekend of college games). THIS weekend was the reunion.

It started with the spine-tingling, nail-biting Pittsburgh vs. Tennessee game on Thursday. Could you have written a better start? Man, that game was crazy - tight all night. It was everything a game should be - except for being decided by a coin toss. (Grrrrrr) Then there were some incredible college games on Saturday, like Michigan/Notre Dame and USC/Ohio State. The USC/Ohio State game was just exciting as heck - especially the ending. And I love watching Ohio State once again have to come up with excuses about how they keep losing big games - and how they deserve whatever inflated ranking they'll have come November.

Then Sunday rolled up. I don't know if it was that this year is just better, or it is that I have a HDTV now. Whatever it is, the games were nuts this year. The Chicago/Green Bay game was exciting the whole time. (Admit it, you loved watching Cutler suck. I know I did.) The Arizona/San Fran game went down to the wire. That Denver/Cincy game was crazy as all get out. And the Giants/Redskins matchup took me back to West Palm Beach, sitting with my dad and watching those two warhorses battle. If only Madden and Summerall could have been coming through the speakers. Then, as if the weekend hadn't been enough, you had two epic clashes last night. I was so excited at the end of the Patriots/Bills game, I was pumping my fist and everything. And I don't even care about either team. (Although, I needed Brady's points.) And then the Charger/Raiders closed it off with another great clash.

Football. Truly amazing. Some really quick specific thoughts. And in a show of solidarity with Paula Abdul over her shocking dismissal from American Idol, I will use her song titles.

• COLD HEARTED: I think Abdul might have been singing about Bill Belichick when she warbled, "He's a cold hearted snake. Look into his eyes." (Or she was singing about Simon Cowell and the producers.) I don't think that there is a person in the world that would have job security in New England. I don't care if Matt Light thwarted a terrorist attack that would have killed the state of Massachusetts. If Belichick thought he could get a draft pick and a ham sandwich for him, he would be shipped to Seattle or Arizona or Liverpool without a second thought. The rest of the team has to know this.
• OPPOSITES ATTRACT: "Take two steps forward, I'll take two steps back." You know the one thing that I hate hearing about? Moral victories. I read a bunch of articles today about how people "didn't lose as bad as they thought they would." Really? That's amazing. These are professional teams, people. They should never be happy with a loss. Let me tell you a little story about a college team. They used to play a bunch of big name teams every year. And every year they would play them close. It would be tied going in to the fourth quarter, stuff like that. And then every year they would lose. They lost to Georgia, Virginia Tech, Auburn, Nebraska, Texas, South Carolina, Miami, Florida State, Nevada, Mississippi. Every one of them were moral victories. And they all were losses. And that, my friends, is why UCF still sucks. Oakland, Buffalo, Detroit - you have just found a new way to lose. Get your acts together.
• STRAIGHT UP: "Is it gonna be you and me forever? Is it just a hit and run?" To the return of major college powers Michigan, Notre Dame, and Miami. This is a fact: college football is just better when certain teams are great. You can hate those teams with a passion (and chances are you do hate some of them). But the whole landscape is better. It is fun for a while when Boise State and Utah and Rutgers play spoiler. But, if you want truly classic games and amazing seasons, then certain teams MUST be good. Here are some of those teams: Michigan, Notre Dame, USC, Ohio State, Florida, Oklahoma, Texas, Alabama, Penn State, Miami. Those teams provide villains to root against. They give casual fans someone to cheer for. And, when those teams are great, they provide a level of game that can only be matched by the NFL. Michigan vs Notre Dame - two teams who have been down for a little while. It just isn't natural for them to be out of it. And while I personally hate Notre Dame with the passion of a thousand suns, I will watch them play. And that game was worth watching.
• FOREVER YOUR GIRL: I took my daughter to a Jaguars preseason game. Obviously, she didn't give a crap about the game. Her biggest concern was getting ice cream. The Jags scored on the first play from scrimmage. Everyone was going nuts. She was like, "I don't know why everyone is cheering, but this is awesome." Her next big excitement was getting the giant foam claw. But her absolute favorite part of the game was watching the cheerleaders. Sigh. As a rule, I try to avoid looking at the cheerleaders. Why? Well, it looks like they forgot to get dressed. And the one thing I make a point to be doing something else during is their dance between the first and second quarters. My daughter, on the other hand, thought that the dance was just awesome. She thought they all looked so pretty. The security guard down at the tunnel stood up right when the dance was about to start. I asked him to move so she could see. I'm sitting there going, "Hey look at that one with the long red hair. Isn't her hair pretty?" I know I'm getting my butt kicked when I get home. My daughter wants to look just like them and learn their dance. Heeeeeeck, no, sweetie. Heck no.
• RUSH, RUSH: Have you noticed that the shelf life on an average NFL running back is about eight years now? Look back over the last few years and see the shattered carcasses littering the NFL landscape: Shaun Alexander, Priest Holmes, Jamal Lewis, Fred Taylor, LaDanian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, Deuce McAllister, Edgerrin James. All of them had (or are having) a noticeable dropoff right around year eight. This is something that Bill Simmons has pointed out a bunch. What does that mean? Adrian Peterson fans, the countdown is on. Win it now, dude.
• PROMISE OF A NEW DAY: A lot of times technology actually makes our lives worse. Shoot, look at how easy it is to do a blog. Now you have to put up with me. But when it comes to football, technology is really making things awesome. And I'm not just talking about Jerry Jones' IMAX theater at Cowboys Stadium. I'm talking about NFL Network in HD, NFL Red Zone on DirectTV and Comcast, ESPN 360 online. These things mean that you can watch tons of games. NFL Network, for example, shows replays of games during the week. I loved it during preseason - you could just sit there and watch games all the time. And ESPN 360 allows you to watch between eight and eighteen games each week on your computer. I have been able to watch UF and USF each week - even though they were playing the Boy Scouts of America All Stars. The next thing will be when those web-enabled televisions start hitting the market big time. You can watch ESPN 360 just like it was a channel on your telly. Sweeeeeet.
• SPINNING AROUND: This song was written for Paula Abdul by her and the chick who basically replaced her last year on American Idol. But it never happened, and instead Kylie Minogue recorded it and it was a huge hit for her. Seems kind of bass ackwards. And that is exactly what will be happening on Saturday. That is when football fans off all teams will be rooting for UF. I would guess that even most FSU and UGA fans will be doing the Gator chomp. What could bring this about? Well, just like evil masterminds can cause squabbling groups to unify, Lane Kiffin is doing the same thing. I have not seen someone so loathed by so many sports fans in a loooooong time. Bill Laimbeer? Maybe. I mean, this guy is so arrogant. And for what? Because his dad was somebody before he got Alzheimers? He is such a turd that even Al Davis felt it necessary to call him a liar. Wow. I hate UF just as bad as anyone. I grew up a UGA fan. I live in Tallahassee. I am a Gator hater. (Sure, this year I just have a sick fascination with how badly they can maim people.) But I will be rooting for the orange and blue. I know Kiffin is thinking it took UTenn years to fire Phil Fulmer after he forgot how to coach. But they did it, and they might have liked it. I hope the massacre is so bad that Kiffin gets fired at halftime.

SFL RECAP

• FERRETS over CONSEQUENCES - It came down to Monday night. Brady vs. Gates. Ferrets had to come from 15 behind after Sunday. And for the first three quarters of the Pats game, it looked bad. But then the Bills adopted their brand new "Colander Defensive Scheme." And that was that. Gates couldn't generate 16 points, so the victory went to The Commish.
• MONKEY over GATORS GREATS - It just wasn't meant to be for our defending champ. The Gators put up the lowest total of any team this past week, while Monkey had the 2nd most - thanks in part to Tony Romo's huge day against the Tampa Bay Bucs Practice Squad.
• DA BUS over BAD COUNSEL - Um, it was a close game. It wasn't a good game. Both teams had the first game jitters, with no player on either team generating 20 points. Someone had to win. It was Da Bus by a bumper.
• STICKBOY over STEELAS - Adrian Peterson was absolutely out of his mind on Sunday, generating 42 points. With that kind of player on your team, you are going to be in the game every week. What? The Steelas lost? What the heck... Oh, they started a guy who hasn't signed yet. Good move. And Stickboy got 36 FREAKING POINTS from his Philly defense. Let's see him do THAT again.
• TALLY NOLES over TAMPA BAY RAMS - Drew Brees was absolutely out of his mind on Sunday, generating 45.9 points. With that kind of player on your team, you are going to be in the game every week. What? The Rams lost? What the heck... Oh, they had three players get less than three points. Yeah, that will do it. Especially with a solid performance by the Noles, who already are in the running for Comeback Team of the Year!

SFL PREVIEW

• We'll already be down to three unbeaten teams after this week, since Stickboy and Da Bus and Tally Noles and Monkey square off. The 1972 Dolphins are that much closer to emerging from their dens to squawk and shake their canes and the dang kids on their lawn.
• Miami fans Ugly Consequences and Bad Counsel go to the same church. But this week, they will be disunified and fighting. (Oh, wait. That sounds like church.) Also, don't their names sound like they should go together? If you take Bad Counsel, you will have Ugly Consequences. Or if you give Bad Counsel, you will have Ugly Consequences.
• Over the years, the Gator Greats and Bloodthirsty Ferrets have had some great battles. And they have been in big games - playoffs, last year's final. Plus there are so many layers to the battle. Gator lover vs Gator hater. Master vs Apprentice. Triathlete vs Lazy Turd. PC vs Mac. Look forward to a good battle.
• The two biggest scoring players are featured in our last matchup. Steelas will put Adrian Peterson up against Tampa Bay Rams' Drew Brees. With those two canceling each other out, the rest of the lineup will be the difference. I would say this game is a pick'em. Unless Michael Crabtree signs with the 49ers by Sunday. Then I would say Steelas by 1.

Well, I hope you enjoy the new format. Feel free to comment on the post. And don't forget to make your changes by the deadline on Sunday.