Season Ten: Week Three

One of the beautiful things about sports is the ability to find hope. Each new season begins with everyone on a level playing field. 0–0. And every team, for at least a few weeks, believes that they can win it all – however irrational that belief may be. Even when your favorite team may be perennial doormats, there still is a small ray of hope that things may change THIS time. Take a quick glance at Major league baseball (if you have to). The Tampa Bay Rays were the laughing stock of the league. For years, they had the worst record in the toughest division. However, between the hiring of a quirky manager, with his old-school glasses and strange love of plaid, and the benefit of a great farm system the team has joined the elite of the league. Even after losing several of their big-name stars to richer teams, they are right back in the playoff hunt this year. With the beginning of football season, fans across the country embrace the hope again. This year will be different. This year we can contend.

Of course, within a few weeks, this hope is usually dashed. FSU fans realize that they have entered the Notre Dame zone. If their team has even a glimmer of talent the national sportswriters fall all over themselves and overrank them. Reality sets in after back-to-back losses. Even the most devout Seminole fan must admit that by losing to Clemson you cannot claim that you are “finally back.” UCF fans entered the year hoping that last year's success could be translated into making the leap to a legitimate program. After whipping two subpar teams, the Knights looked very good. After two stupid losses on the road, fans had to recognize that they don't belong in an elite conference—and time has run out. Eagles fans had to come to grips with the fact that they hitched their full success on the back of Michael Vick, a quarterback who has never played a full season uninjured.

But there still are the success stories–the ones that continue to breed hope. For every Indianapolis Colts, there is a Detroit Lions. For every Miami Dolphins fan who watched their team be destroyed by Tom Brady and the Patriots, there is a Buffalo Bills fan who watched their team destroy him. For every Mississippi State and Michigan State, there is a South Florida and Oklahoma State. And so the cycle of hope goes on. But probably not for you.

A Brief Word From the Commish


The collapse came early this year, didn't it? Normally this blog is kept up-to-date until about week 13. It starts to get shaky about the same time that my team does. I know I probably raised expectations for a more consistent schedule since this is our 10th anniversary. Boy, I proved that wrong. I tried to explain some of this the other day on my regular blog.  I've been going through a lot. Blah blah blah. This week is an attempt to try to get back on track. It probably is not as thorough as it should be. But at least it's something.

To be completely honest, I have barely kept up with my fantasy teams at all. In my other league, we start two quarterbacks every week. I used the 1st selection in my draft on Michael Vick. In the 5th round, I chose Peyton Manning. As a throwaway security measure in round 16, I selected Cam Newton. I figured I had dodged a bullet when Manning went down since I could put in Newton. Imagine my glee when Newton proved to be a fantasy bonanza. To get me back, the fantasy football powers that be decided to make Michael Vick a human voodoo doll. Now I'm starting Tavaris Jackson. He was the best option. Seriously. What kind of world do we live in where Tavaris Jackson is a starting quarterback on any sane person's fantasy league? Needless to say my team sucks in that league.

But this isn't about THAT league.  No one cares about THAT league.  (Except for Duly Warned, Urban Plunge, and Orlando Blundered who also play in THAT league.  But that is neither here nor there.)  We all care about the STAPLES FOOTBALL LEAGUE.  And we want some news from the STAPLES FOOTBALL LEAGUE.  So, I will attempt to get off of my emotional couch and make myself metaphysically useful for a minute.  On to the news!!!

Staples Football League News

This year has already been a bizarre one.  Our defending champ, Gator Greats, has taken up residence in the sewer that his namesake animal allegedly prefers.  Da Bus, at 3-0, is perched at the top of the rankings - our very own life sized replica of the Detroit Lions.  In fact, our rankings are just as caddywampus as the NFL.  The top three teams (Da Bus, Queen City Noles, Orlando Blundered) are usually battling the nicer bunks in the basement.  Instead, they are sitting pretty with a combined record of 7-2.  They are closely followed by perennial powerhouses Bloodthirsty Ferrets, Stickboy, and Duly Warned - all spotting identical 2-1 records.  As they always say, it is a long season.  And a lot can happen.  Remember, the Pittsburgh Pirates and Kansas City Royals have led their divisions in the spring over the last decade.  But the long cruel season has a way of revealing a team's true colors.

(That entire argument can be nullified by the fact the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl two years ago.  Ten year old me would never believe that.)

• Last week's Ferrets vs Gators matchup was one of those ones that just don't seem right.  The final score was 99.45 to 99.40.  You know what that difference is?  One yard.  One freaking passing yard.  It isn't some long touchdown or some incredible finger tip interception or a kickoff return.  It is the fact that some ref randomly placed the ball a couple of inches different on a completed Cam Newton pass.  That was all written to make Gator Greats feel worse than he already does.
• If you look at the Points For and Points Against categories, it looks like our league is pretty evenly matched.  There isn't a huge discrepancy between those two stats like in years past.  Of course, the year is young.  Plenty of time for blowouts.  
• Hey, remember when it used to be common Fantasy Football knowledge that the way to win was to overload your draft with running backs?  In Monkey's first year, that was how he "rigged the draft."  This year?  Nine of the top ten players in our league are Quarterbacks.  The tenth is Wes Welker.  Fifteen of the top twenty are QBs.  Something to think about.
• Michael Vick is ranked 29th this year, after being first last year.  He's three spots below Rex Grossman and one spot above Jason Campbell.  

Here's one other thing I wanted to run by you guys about the draft.  Every year for the last seven or eight years, we have done a random draft.  The computer assigns the order.  But, every year I get accused of rigging the draft to my benefit.  I somehow won "best draft" this year from Yahoo! - which I still don't understand their criteria.  We have never done anything like keeper league or carrying anything over from year to year.  Is that something you guys want us to do?  Should we have keeper players starting next year?  Should year end ranking determine draft status?  There really is no reward for winning the league - should that team automatically get first pick?  Should we have rankings from this year serve as draft order next year?  Can I fit more questions into this?  Feel free to contribute your opinions via the comments on this blog or the league message board or the facebook chain.

Well, it wasn't much.  But at least it was something.  Hopefully next week will be a little better.  Each week I will strive to improve.  By week 12, my goal is for this to be a the high standards you have come to expect.  Then it will be all the more painful when I just stop again and never even act like the postseason happened.  Muuhuuhaahaahaa!!!